The happy Lohan family…

…plus one more!!

Due to MSNBC , once again, we have all new reason to give thanks for a new day and the wonder of life. If by now you don’t know about Lindsay Lohan ’s illegitimate 13 year old sister by father Michael Lohan you have no business reading this and need to go do some Googling . Here’s a search for you: "Michael Lohan is a sorry excuse for a father and a complete and utter lying pig who doesn’t deserve the beautiful children he has now let alone one more who he ignored for 13 years." I’m sure you’ll get plenty of hits. However, this story is not about that.

If ever there was a man to make lemonade of life’s lemons, it is Michael Lohan. He has "recently" discovered that he potentially has a child from an "encounter" outside the confines of holy matrimony (while yet being holy matrimonied to Dina ). Not one to let an opportunity pass him by he has, as eNews reports, supplied his DNA sample for the paternity test needed to condemn confirm this child’s parentage. Turning sows ear (in the form of the paternity test results) into silk purse (in the form of cash) Mike demonstrates his own brand of genius.

Quoting eNews, "It appears that Lindsay Lohan?s father has already approached magazines like OK! and People and asked for $20,000 for the rights to his story if the paternity test reveals that he is Ashley?s [Kaufmann] father." Suppress your WTF’s for a moment and chew on this: ?He?s approaching everyone to get the highest bid because, if he is the dad, he?s going to need the money for back child support.? While it surprises me that Lindsay isn’t one to come to dear ol’ Dad’s rescue on this score, it makes perfect sense. Can’t sponge off one daughter, why not exploit the other before she even has the honor of knowing you? What a responsible guy! I’m actually surprised he’s not asking for more. 20k isn’t going to make much of a dent in 13 years of back support, but I guess Mike just knows his own worth or maybe wants the financial precedent set when it’s discovered how many other of his haphazardly sown seeds are out there!

Of course, there is a small problem with his logic here that I am loathe to point out. According to lohangroupie.com he hopes to sell a negative paternity test for $10,000. So what’s he going to do with the money in that case as child support would no longer be an issue? Perhaps he’s planning on giving it to the Kaufmann family for all the trouble and embarrassment. He is just that kind of stand up guy after all.

Personally, I don’t think any such paternity test is necessary (aside from the wind fall, of course). Following in Dad’s footsteps of opportunism (per MSN) Ashley Kaufmann , before the spit has even dried on the swab, is already approaching studios for a record deal. Yep, Lohan all the way! Good luck, girl. Yer gonna need it!

Jennifer Mienko