Michael Lohan, The Suspense is Killing Me!!!!!
(Yummy – man boobs – gotta love it)
I find that when I’m pissed about something writing about Michael Lohan makes me feel so much better.
For those of you waiting with bated breath for news of the Michael Lohan paternity test results: smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em. We’re going to be here for a while folks. The paternity test to determine the fate of one potential Lohan Ashley Kaufmann has been delayed. Eonline reports that the company is demanding a court order to proceed. Uncool, paternity testing company. Totally uncool. I say how ’bout jumping on one of those talk shows. This seems perfect for it! I bet Maury can get this wrapped up faster than you can say “shameless publicity stunt!”
On related Lohan news (there’s no such thing as too much! Am I right or am I right?) I’m sure that The Los Angeles Times has gotten this wrong. They reported that Ashley isn’t too keen on meeting dear ol’ dad. That has to be wrong. Who wouldn’t want a dad like Mike?! Unfathomable. I can’t believe that after being ignored and denounced as a daughter for 13 years she doesn’t want to rush straight into his loving arms and make up for lost time. I can think of a few things I would like to say to the punk-ass man if it were (dreams and wishes) me instead of her. Ashley has all the luck.
Jennifer Mienko
Your sarcastic humor is so funny Jennifer – I love this.
I can tell you from personal experience, “not” being from the Lohan clan is the pits
I never even thought of that! *double squeals* *jumps up and down excitedly*
To be an illegitimate Lohan sister, what a dream come true! OMG! *squeals again*
I would be assured two role model parents and that I would grow up with utmost class in addition to having impeccable manners.
*sighs* dreams
No, no, forget that, I’m taking a stand, it’s a possibility right? I demand a paternity test. I might just be a Lohan.
Thanks! I have the same personal experience
Sucks don’t it? But hey, there’s always hope! We could both be illegitimate Lohans! Then we would be sisters! *squeals*
Ain’t science grand?
It sure is!
WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!
“I” too could be a Lohan????????? I was going to kill myself today out of pity for my pathetic very non-Lindsay Lohan like life, but since I ran across this article there is hope for a better day!
THANK YOU!
OOOOh! I want to be an illegitimat Lohan!
Adrienne Lohan……yeah, I like it! Good article, very funny. Love your sense of humor
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Life & Beauty Weekly: Expert Q+A
A: "If you’re hosting an intimate dinner, there is usually a presumption that you’ll serve it at some point. So uncork it right away or later, if you’ve already opened a bottle.
On the other hand, if it’s a large party and you’ve already made arrangements for drinks, accept the bottle as a gift and put it out of the way in the kitchen. If your provisions run low, it’s there for you to pop open. Otherwise, drink it yourselves or save it for your next party.
Either way, remember that your friends brought the wine in appreciation of your invitation and hospitality. The most important thing to do is to simply thank them kindly for the gesture."
By Irene S. Levine
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Men’s Life Today: Expert Q+A
A: "Yes, you should worry about hearing loss. Everyone should. What matters is how long you listen and at what volume. Loud noises destroy the microscopic hairs in the inner ear that transmit sound to the auditory nerve. The hairs never recover and cannot be repaired, so do your best to avoid loud noises today, tomorrow, forever. Volume is measured in decibels (dB). Normal conversation registers about 60 dB; most restaurants, 70; vacuum cleaners, 80; motorcycles, 90; jack hammers, 100; rock concerts, 100 to 130; and gunshots, 140. Hearing damage begins with exposure to volume over 80 dB, and the longer it lasts, the more damage you suffer. About those earbuds: Don’t listen at a volume greater than about half of what’s possible with your MP3 player (the levels of which vary wildly -- anywhere between 100 dB and 120 dB -- all of which are too loud for auditory health). Another way to tell if you’re over-cranking: In quiet surroundings, hold your earbuds at arm’s length. If you can hear the music from that distance (two to three feet), the volume’s too loud. Anyone exposed to loud noise -- musicians, rock fans, construction workers and motorcycle and gun sports enthusiasts -- should wear ear protection, either foam ear plugs available at drug stores or, ideally, custom-made ear protection."
By Kathy Peck
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