I think we all knew this intuitively, but a PR agent Mark Borkowski worked out an actual mathematical formula! Turns out that Andy Warhol was only partially right. Not everyone will be famous and those who are will be for 15 months, not 15 minutes.

Dust off your High School algebra books (what? you don’t still have those?) and take a look at this:

“F(T) = B+P(1/10T+1/2T2)

where:

F is the level of fame;

T is time, measured in three-monthly intervals. So T=1 is after three months, T=2 is after six months, etc. Fame is at its peak when T=0. (Putting T=0 into the equation gives an infinite fame peak, not mathematically accurate, perhaps, but the concept of the level of fame being off the radar is apposite.);

B is a base level of fame that [was] identified and quantified by analysing the average level of fame in the year before peak. For George Clooney, B would be a large number, but for a fabulous nobody, like a new Big Brother contestant, B is zero;

P is the increment of fame above the base level, that establishes the individual firmly at the front of public consciousness.”

*crickets chirping*

Before I lose too many of you here I’ll get to the point.

“This formula illustrates that without intervention in the form of further publicity, fame follows an exponential slide to obscurity. It also shows how the repeated, carefully altered telling of stories can prolong the brand’s period of fame.”

The “brands” for the sake of this study are Kevin Spacey, Halle Berry, Paris Hilton, Nicole Kidman, Richard Branson, Mel Gibson, Martha Lane Fox, Lindsay Lohan, Tom Cruise, Abi Titmuss, Angelina Jolie, Anthea Turner, Brad Pitt, Peter Mandelson, Hugo Ch?vez, Noel Edmonds, Chris Evans, Charles Ingram, Jeffrey Archer, Jade Goody, George Michael and Angus Deayton. A study was also made into brands such as Red Bull, Stella Artois, Heineken, American Express and Adidas.

The conclusion being that fame consistently runs on a 15 month cycle and basically a celebrity has to get themselves noticed at least every 15 months. Picture it like keeping a balloon in the air. The celebrity balloon must stay in the air at all costs! It must be bumped at least every 15 months. The author of this study concludes that a good publicist (hint hint) is necessary to this end and I partially agree.

We saw what good the publicist played in Miley’s photographic snafu, but I contend that celebrities themselves have discovered even better ways. Shall we track the frequency of celebrity babies, for instance? This one is especially genius because you have the speculation stories (is she? isn’t she?), the confirmation stories (she is! and you’ll never guess by whom!) the birth (ho hum) and, last but not least, the clamor over the rights to the first pictures and debates of the appropriateness of the weird celebrity name. All this and in a 9 month cycle leaving 6 months to spare! Of course, the precious little bundles have a tendency of growing, so then we can dish about how expensive their toys and clothes are, like we’re shocked that a couple that lives in a $70 million French chateau doesn’t shop at Baby Gap.

Shannon Doherty learned this lesson a bit late, but seems to be catching on. She was reported as running into the Sheriff?s Department in Lost Hills complaining about the paparazzi not following her, but they didn’t know who she was. (You really ought to read that article I linked there. The Aussie take on 90210. Hilarious!) See? She missed the 15 month mark by 6 and a half years. The incident with the police with good taste in television is an okay start, but she’s going to have to step it up a notch in time for the premiere of her new show.

You’re welcome, Mark Borkowski. I expect that I will at least be mentioned as a foot note.

I wonder if we all could come up with any other examples of celebrity publicity stunts, hmmm…. (ponder ponder)

Any one else notice that Mark Borkowski has proven scientifically that his services are needed? Of all the examples of creative self promotion, that one is the best!!

Jennifer Mienko