Time to hold your breath and your congratulations and brace yourselves for some Earth shattering disappointment. I am so sorry to have to break the news that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, our favorite uber superficial couple carved out of cream cheese and white bread, may not really be married.

Yes, it may well be true! Put down your  beverage for a minute and make sure you’re sitting on a stable surface that can take the impact of this blow: it might have just been yet another hackneyed and desperate publicity stunt. I’ll give you a moment to grab a tissue and a shot of your alcoholic beverage of choice to help you collect yourself.

All better? Good. Time for some quotes.

“The ever-public pair appear on the Wednesday cover of Us Weekly magazine with the headline ‘Heidi & Spencer Elope!’ Photos and an interview with the couple offer details of their Nov. 20 wedding.

But the pair’s publicist says he knew nothing about the reportedly impromptu marriage at a chapel in Mexico, where laws require a civil ceremony and a waiting period that can take up to five days. Friends and relatives were surprised, and no record of a marriage license in Los Angeles County was public as of Tuesday.” (source)

I know, I know. Our world will never be the same. I am, at the moment, so disillusioned and despondent that I’m packing my survival gear to go live in the woods. *sniff* I really thought these two crazy kids were the real deal. I mean, never since plastic dime store fashion dolls lacking discernible genitalia has anyone been so deep and human.

You know, it would be a lot easier for them to sell themselves, if they had something to sell!

Maybe someday, if we wish hard enough…

Jennifer Mienko